How Your Mind Set Can Sabotage Your Dreams

One of my “Get Your Mind Set For Your Dreams” clients is someone whose specialty is coaching newly single women.  This coach is very expert at what she does, has studied extensively over many years to create her program, and isn’t afraid to market herself in the least….she has a radio show, frequently speaks, and has an active e-zine.  One day we were talking about her frustration at getting new customers to commit for more than a month of her program.  Her point to me was that no woman gets past such a significant life change as divorce or death in 30 days.  She really wanted her customers to work with her for a minimum of 3 months, knowing that it takes at least that long to truly benefit from her program.

After a pause in our conversation I simply said to her “why not just eliminate your 1 month offer and let the entry into your program be a three month long offer?”  And this talented, go-get-it, savvy woman said to me, “Oh, I don’t think anyone would just jump into a three month program with me.”  There it was!  A mindset that created a huge stuck place in my client, making it harder for her to engage the type of woman she really wanted to work with the most.  Making it hard to think of her program as “worth” 3 months.  Making it hard for her to increase her income by cutting out a short program that wasn’t really profitable for her while raising her price for her 3 month program and justifying that with cleaner, more focused program descriptions and marketing.  Making it harder for her to attract the people who most need her service, only because she didn’t believe the worth of what she was offering.

Read that again…..you know….that part about “believe in the worth of what you are offering.”  That belief is the core of marketing that works.  For solo professionals and small business owners to have belief in their own products and services is 100% critical!  If your own mind is set to devalue and doubt what you most have to offer in service to others, you’re marketing with a strait jacket on.  Your mind wraps itself around false beliefs and your heart constricts.  Your “voice of unworthiness” starts screaming at the top of its lungs.  Nothing good comes from being in this state!

Your mind set can sabotage your dreams, even keeping you from fully allowing your dreams to become known to you.  That’s not only sad, it’s counterproductive for your life.  My advice…….listen to your dreams, no matter how outlandish they may seem at the time.  Just listen, give them space to be.  And monitor that your mind set doesn’t sabotage even the listening!

Small Practices Lead To Big Changes, Part II

Two months ago, I wrote about a new client in a blog post entitled “Small Daily Practices Lead To Big Life Changes.”  It’s time for an update, to continue the story about how our willingness to face fears and step out of our comfort zone leads to the beginnings of an amazing life.

You might recall that this client decided to let self-sabotaging talk have free reign each morning after a quiet time of meditation, writing down each self-sabotaging thought and determining to let such thoughts go for the rest of the day. In the meditation itself, he began to ask for guidance about his life’s work. You also might remember that he is unemployed, having suddenly been laid off from a position due to funding cuts.

Stepping out, speaking your dreams, and taking concrete action will always lead to changes in circumstance and energy. Two months later, look at all that has happened!

• Freelance work (found by consistently talking to his contacts) has given him a small income of $2300 a month. It’s not enough, but it’s a solid start to beginning his own successful business. By acting in faith that he could create work rather than telling himself the economy is bad, he has manifested money.
  
• His meditation time has given him a certain knowledge that he wants to use the work experience and skills he has, but in his own business rather than working for others. He gets energy and passion from being around creative professionals, so his target market (which we are still narrowing down) is men who are established in the arts – painters, writers, silversmiths, independent filmmakers, and musicians. He feels completely enthused and passionate about serving this group.
  
• He is almost completely free of the self-sabotaging talk!   He reports, “I listen each morning for the voice, ready to write down what it says. I realized the other day that almost all the time now, nothing comes!”  He is both delighted and amazed.
  

Even more amazing things have come along.   He began to say that he wanted to attend a conference with other entrepreneurs, although he had no money to do so.   One of his friends offered him a ticket to a high -visibility event across the country, a ticket worth $2000.  The friend hooked him up with a roommate to cut hotel costs, and a family member heard of the opportunity and gave an early birthday gift of an airline ticket.  Off he went on a trip to somewhere he’d never been before (he wanted to travel, remember?).  As we talked about this trip and how it just opened up before him, I reminded him that speaking our desires always puts energy toward our desires into play.

The golden nugget he got from this event was believing that he could, in fact, create a six-figure business. With eyes glistening, he told me, “I was standing there talking to guys who were millionaires! And what I could not believe was that they were just like me!”   He got it that these men had all created their millions, not by being born rich but by actively working toward their dream.  He is so stoked up by seeing this!  His face is glowing, his energy is higher, even his dress and grooming are improved.

As for his dream of seeing Africa, he decided to search the Internet one night and found a volunteer program he that gives a week’s tour in South Africa in return for two weeks of volunteer work there.  His passport pictures are made, and he is applying for a spot. Instead of thinking it would be years or maybe never that he saw Africa, he may actually go within six months!

Stay tuned for more about this man and the amazing life he is creating – all because he was willing to open himself to guidance, coaching, and facing his fears.   To make a difference, BE different.  Even the smallest step will start you on your path.

(c) Sue Painter

How Every Single Thought Has Its Own Energy

I love this 8-minute video with Wayne Dyer.  Using simple muscle testing technique, he illustrates how our thoughts literally make us weaker or stronger.  Thank you, Dr. Dyer, for sharing this through YouTube.

Small Daily Practices Lead to Big Life Changes

I have a wonderful little story about one of my newer clients.  He came to work with me because he had suddenly lost his job, and felt overwhelmed, depressed, and lost.  As I scanned his energy, though, I could easily discern that he had more going on than losing his work. 

• At the age of 42 he still lived with his mother, saying that he did so to help take care of her since she is slightly impaired.  When I asked him how he saw that fitting for him, he said “I am waiting for her to die so that I will be free.”
• He had remained in very low-paying work even though he has accomplished very high results in his work.
• His dream is to travel the world but he has never owned a passport.
• He is out of shape physically
• He admits that he “tries to restart himself but then begins to feel hopeless”
• He admits to an inner voice that is extremely self-sabotaging.

So, what to do?  I see this person as someone who is bright, capable, funny, talented, and aching to find his path in life.  He has very little money to spend on self-development right now.  As we talked, my strongest energetic sense was that he needs to address far more in his life than the loss of his job.  He needs help to dream, and to take steps toward his dreams, too!

Here is our plan:

• 15 minutes each morning in mediation or prayer, asking for insight and guidance about his perfect work
• Wait in the quiet of this time for the voice of the self-sabatoger to show up
• Write down every single thing the self-sabatoging voice says and thank it for every point it makes
• Walk 15 minutes each day
• Get pictures made and apply for a passport
• Check a book out of the library about the country he most would like to visit.

We plan to meet in a month, but a check after only 10 days revealed the following:

• “My biggest change has been the self-sabotaging talk.  I spend about 5 minutes in the morning writing down my limiting thoughts, then,  when they pop  up during the day, I gently say “nope, you had your chance to speak out this morning. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”  It has made a world of difference.  The first day I listened to my self-sabotaging thoughts, they were pretty tame.  The second day, the thoughts were mean and harsh.  Thursday and Friday, it was almost difficult getting those thoughts to come through.  Today, they were a bunch of “what ifs” and actually had some good points.  I write them down and say thank you for sharing.  It is awesome.”
• “I love the meditation time.”
• “I’m parking my car farther away from the grocery store and walking 10,000 steps in a day.”
• “I checked out a book on Africa and got passport pictures made.  I can’t believe how excited I am just to get a passport!”

These actions are small daily practices that take about half an hour a day.  But look at the big changes, in only 10 days!  It is so important to set our feet on the path of truth and freedom, which for each life is different.  I can hardly wait to see what has happened when the entire month has gone by!

Small actions, big results.  Amazing!

(c) Sue Painter

Trash In, Trash Out – What Do You Feed Your Brain?

I watched a brief video tonight that graphically illustrated the Law of Exposure.  This law states that whatever you put into your brain literally becomes your future.  For instance, if you watch violent movies or TV, or play violent video games you are feeding images, thoughts, and feelings into your brain – you are exposing yourself to this energy.  The Law of Exposure says you should be very conscious and mindful about what you expose your brain to, just like you don’t knowingly expose your body to Swine flu, tuberculosis, or rabies.  Same-same.  Trash in, trash out, as the old computer programming mantra goes.

Over the past few years I’ve consciously removed myself from exposure to blatantly violent images.  It’s interesting that once I did this, my senses became sharpened to lesser forms of violence, too.  For instance, I don’t want to watch arguments on TV, or constant sniping.  It doesn’t serve me to watch Judge Judy, for instance.  It doesn’t serve me to watch a sit-com where the women are always talking in degrading ways about their husbands, or the husbands are always treating their wives as people to be manipulated and lied to.  I’ve noticed that a lot of what is available to watch on TV is demeaning – as is much of reality TV.

The Law of Exposure states that over time, we become our thoughts and actions.  As I write this, it shocks me to suddenly recall that my father often repeated a quote that went something like “we will rise, fall, or remain the same according to our greatest thoughts and deeds.”  That’s not exact, and I can’t find the original quote or who said it, but whomever it was, long ago, understood the Law of Exposure.

It’s my experience in working with hundreds of clients that entrepreneurs need a very enriching and conscious diet for their brains.  The books we read, the movies we watch, the teachers we follow – these feed our gray matter, our spirits, and our souls.  We are, in my opinion, literally called to do our work.  If you are feeling sluggish, bored, unsuccessful, or otherwise stuck take 15 minutes to reflect on what you’ve lately been feeding your brain.  And while you are at it, reflect on what your own brain has been feeding others as you speak and act.  Trash in, trash out – that’s a powerful thought, no?

(c) Sue Painter

Can't Airline Customers Get a Little Love?

My opinion is that the United States long ago became a culture in which burdensome business practices underscore a stark, uncaring, cavalier attitude toward our citizens.  Today’s news brings, yet again, a call for Federal legislation that prevents airline passengers from being stuck inside planes for more than three hours on the tarmac.  This is in reaction to a Continental Express flight (2816) which kept its customers on board for six hours.  Instead of moving quickly to give their customers a little love, Continental first pointed its finger to Express Jet Airlines.  Express Jet Airlines pointed its finger, in turn, to the Rochester airport.

Finger pointing to wiggle out of responsibility for treating customers decently has long been a theme in American businesses.  We’ve been through the “trapped on the tarmac” routine before – two years ago the hue and cry for Federal legislation arose when passengers on a JetBlue flight waited an interminable eleven hours on the ground at JFK.  Two years later, it’s happened again for a long enough period of time to get media exposure.

Frankly, if businesses would decide to take responsibility for treating customers with care, politeness, and concern there wouldn’t be such pressure to legislate things like how long passengers must sit on a plane before the business that took their money treated them like humans instead of cogs in a machine.  Lest I be thought of as coming down too heavy on businesses, however, let me quickly point out that our government engages in the same reactive posturing.  Also in today’s news?  A call for “tighter airspace rules” around New York City after a small plane crashed into a helicopter carrying Italian tourists.  The story created yet another merry-go-round of opinions and finger-pointing.

I’ve come to call the onerous and unloving treatment of American consumers “citizen burden.”  We routinely display dismissive attitudes toward our own citizens, acting as if their money and their taxes buy them the barest minimum of tolerance.  Long lines at driver license renewal?  No eye contact in retail stores?  Operators who get snarly when someone asks them to please look again for the number of the nursing home their mom has been sent to three states away?  These are so common as to fall totally under the radar of news-worthy.

We may say we believe in the Golden Rule – we may teach it in our schools and churches.  But when it comes to putting it into action, we fall as fast as that helicopter hit the Hudson River.  Seems to me that whoever the big boss man at Continental is (or Continental Express, if you insist on still pointing the finger) might take on an attitude of constant awareness, unfailing politeness, deep concern, and – yes – even gratitude for each and every passenger that pays for a ticket.  We seem to have gained an awful ability to hide behind corporate structure and point fingers, as human beings suffer while sitting on planes or standing on line in government buildings.  This is not the attitude or behavior that fosters good will, understanding, or peace in our culture, much less elsewhere in the world.

We are called to compassion and love for our fellow beings.  We are called to care for our neighbors as ourselves.  We are called by our Constitution and our laws to treat each citizen with respect.  We have an opportunity to right wrongs right here in our own country, to open our hearts and give a little love.  Perhaps if we did that, we would not find it so difficult to take that model of behavior outside our borders into the rest of the world.

(c) Sue Painter

Harry Potter – A Guy Who Has His Purpose Down

I love the Harry Potter books and movies (I confess that the first movie is still my favorite one).  Harry grew up in circumstances that didn’t allow him much freedom to express who he really is, just as some of us less magical people do.  Sometimes, he had to act contrary to what he felt and believed just to survive in his uncle’s house.  Harry’s path toward learning his soul purpose started, as it does for most of us, with a little help from outsiders.  He was protected and whisked away to school, and there he learned more about himself and who he truly was.

When Harry goes back to his uncle’s house for school breaks he isn’t able resume his former way of being.  He goes back a changed young man.  He feels hemmed in at his uncle’s house, knowing that how he must live while there really doesn’t fit him.  His uncle, aunt, and cousin sense the changes in him and react with fear.  As the years go by, Harry’s understanding and knowledge of himself become stronger.  As we all know, he begins to fight with the forces that seek to destroy him and the life he has come to love at Hogwarts. He is willing to put himself on the line, even when his courage doesn’t match the situation.  He pulls energy and strength from his soul to face whatever comes up, and remains true to his purpose.  Harry is a great model for those of us who want to live from what is the truest place for us in life.

Harry uses his white magic to stand against black magic.  Harry has his soul purpose down.  He doesn’t get there without the wisdom, support, and love from people who help him find his path and his power, though.  In my experience, most of us need a pathfinder or two to help us find our way along the path, to find our own magic.  Good job, Harry!

(c) Sue Painter

Soul Retrieval for Solopreneurs

I was shocked that my colleague and friend Annie Hart (www.anniehart.com)  e-mailed me today and said “you do soul retrieval for solopreneurs.”   Soul retrieval is a centuries old practice in many cultures, usually the work of the healer or shaman.  In this country, soul retrieval is practiced as a transpersonal psychology, or as a combination of mind/body work.

Soul retrieval has been defined as  “returning the missing pieces of the self.”  If you search for the term on Google, you’ll find many entries for soul retrieval.  There is definitely a connection to the mind and the body, meaning that the experience of reclaiming a missing part of one’s soul will be felt both in the mind (emotion) and in the body.  Besides the “aha” moment, I see the breath change or the structure of the body shift.  Very often, a person’s face will change dramatically, becoming more relaxed, younger, and brighter.

Almost all of us lose pieces of our true self, or our soul, as we go through life.  It happens in many ways, through life choices that take us away from our secret wishes, or painful situations that we handle by closing off a part of our hearts.  I say that I help entrepreneurs and solopreneurs find their soul purpose and then work with them to create satisfying, financially successful work.  I’ve never thought about what I do as soul retrieval, but I can see why Annie said it is.  Even my training and experience have set me up for this – besides a Master’s in rehabilitation counseling, I’m a licensed massage therapist who has studied advanced energy and body work techniques for a dozen years now.  Put those two together with my intuition and my very sharply honed business and marketing skills, and  you’ve got a pretty well versed soul retriever on your hands!

I’m going to think more about Annie’s description of me, and whether I want to use that term in my self-description and marketing.  If you have comments pro or con, I’d love to hear them.  You can comment here, or e-mail me at sue@confidentmarketer.com.

Thank you, Annie.  Whether what I do is soul retrieval or not, it is sacred and live-giving, and I’m honored to be associated with the term.

(c) Sue Painter

What Keeps an Entrepreneur Down?

Doing the work of digging deeply for soul purpose is honorable and important.  It requires honesty and openness to thoughts, feelings, and emotions one may not have been open to before.  It requires the discipline of self-examination and questioning.  One of the symptoms of not knowing your way is “never getting around.”

Have you ever wondered why you just never get around to doing something that you absolutely know is important in your life?  It’s a rare person who can honestly answer no, LOL!   Here are some of  the things I see when someone asks for my help and who is working off their path:

• Boredom
• Irritation
• Whining
• Excuses
• Unhappiness
• Depression
• Frequent illness (headache, nausea, stomach ache, lack of energy)

It’s too daunting to ask directly “What is your soul’s purpose?”  We can’t approach finding the bare trace of your path in such a forced and quick way.  Instead, we have to search here and there, looking for the barest beginnings of an overgrown, hidden trail.  So here’s how I often start helping someone discover soul’s purpose.  We begin by understanding what it is NOT!  You’ll know what your soul purpose is not by building a list of tolerances.  I often begin my Soul Purpose workshops by having people do this, and we always get a few good surprises and laughs.  Here’s how to do it by yourself:

• Get a few sheets of blank paper or a large sheet of paper from a flip chart.
• Draw a vertical line down the center of the page(s).
• At the top of the left column write “I am tolerating these people and things.”
• List everything you can possibly think of that you put up with and really wish you didn’t have to – a low paycheck, a spouse who never takes out the garbage, a button off your shirt, clothing that is too tight, a snotty co-worker – no matter how big or small the issue is, write it down.  Close your eyes and let the list come, and when you think you are done close your eyes and do some more.  It often takes a while to prime the pump – sometimes people have been tolerating things for so long they are numb to it.
• Now, at the top of the second column (on the right) write “inspiration.”  Pick one or two of the things off your list that really bug you and think about how your life would be without them.  Think about how energizing it would be to quit tolerating these, once and for all.  Feel within yourself the tiny flame of excitement you get at the idea of freedom from these things.

That’s a short and quick version of what we often spend two days doing – questioning, puzzling, and talking our way through list after list of tolerations, and crafting in the opposite column a life based on inspiration instead.  Amazing things happen, one being that people get closer to their purpose.  The weeds and vines in their way begin to get rooted out, or moved aside.  With some commitment and humor and self-reflection a person starts down the path of finding her soul purpose.  And over time, we can take that soul purpose and create work that is financially successful, deeply satisfying, and often joyful.

I believe one of the most critical actions one can do is to find one’s soul purpose.  Taking that and crafting it into successful entrepreneurism is deliciously sweet, like the icing on your birthday cake.  May you find your way to both.

(c) Sue Painter

Finding Soul Purpose as a Solopreneur

If you’re a solopreneur you came into that status in one of two ways.

1. For whatever reason, you lost your job and are calling yourself a solopreneur while you look around for new employment.
2. You have dreamed (usually for a long time) about doing a particular type of work, you may have felt called to get out on your own to do this work, and you sincerely hope and believe that whatever you are doing is truly your life’s work.

That’s usually how it goes.  And whichever category you are in, finding your soul (sole) purpose is important, because you will become filled with fire and passion, find a commitment within yourself that fuels focus and action, be unstoppable.  Whether you do that working for someone else or for yourself, you will be adding value to the world.  You will be adding love to the world.  You will be courageously modeling for others what it is like to live from deeply rooted, certain knowledge about your soul (sole) purpose.

My soul purpose is to help those who are lost to their purpose find their way.  I encourage, help clear the weeds and vines that have long been overgrown, hold the light while someone searches for their path.  Eventually, with courage and stamina and humor and love, the way is found.

My experience is heavily weighted to entrepreneurs and solopreneurs, and my passion is there, too.  I believe that our culture and economy become stronger when we foster the growth of small businesses, when we support the folks who are willing to give up (or perhaps have never had) the cushioning of employment.  I believe that entrepreneurs need nurturing and community, and I want to be a provider.  My blog is one way I provide these things to you.

(c) Sue Painter